I was contacted by Emily Gallo to read and review her novel Murder at the Columbarium. Yes, I did have to look up what a columbarium was, and it’s a neat concept of a building that houses urns and memorials to those deceased. This story is set in the San Francisco columbarium, which is a real place, and more information can be found on it here: https://www.neptune-society.com/cremation-articles/why-the-san-francisco-columbarium-is-worth-a-visit/.
Synopsis:
Jed, the caretaker of the columbarium, hears a baby cry when he unlocks the columbarium gates one morning – and, next to the baby on the ground, finds a dead woman. He calls the police, who come to investigate, and he finds himself on their suspect list as he’s one of the few people with the key to the columbarium gate. He and his wife, Monica, agree to foster the baby, who they name Aja. As Jed falls harder for Aja’s little smile, he does some investigating on his own, and meets some interesting characters along the way. As more mysterious people, events, and even riots occur, Jed starts to realize that the murder at the columbarium is bigger than he thinks.
Review:
My overall opinion of this book is mixed. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try it, as our independent authors need support in order to grow and reach new heights and audiences. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement:
- Dialogue. This novel is really dialogue-driven. There aren’t a lot of descriptions, and we encounter mundane conversation that doesn’t seem to lead anywhere. The amount of unrelated conversation in this story rather sinks the plot.
The lack of description was an issue for me as the novel largely takes place at what is supposed to be a picturesque farm or the columbarium, and readers receive little to no description of either. This might work in some circumstances, but when the locations are somewhat central to the story, readers should know more about them.
If I had to make a suggestion, it would be to work more thoughts and plans into the narration of the story, rather than to have them explicitly stated by the characters. It might cut out a lot of nonessential dialogue and allow more room for background detail and other writing, in general.
- Writing Style. This novel is written in third-person, which works well for the book. Reading about Jed’s thoughts and feelings from an outside observer’s point of view lets the reader be a little more removed from the story and think about what they would have done differently if they were in Jed’s shoes.
What doesn’t work as well is the use of simple sentences. An example:
“The family members of the columbarium occupants were worried. A few years ago there had been a bout of vandalism that had almost closed it down. The news of the murder had everyone anxious about another possible closure. The body was finally removed that afternoon and the police cleared out about four. A couple of board members had shown up at lunchtime, but it was mostly just for appearance sake.”
“The” starts a lot of the sentences in the above paragraph, which prevents it from flowing smoothly. There’s also a lack of compound sentences even in just that paragraph. It makes Jed sound uneducated and a little simple; however, by some of his word choices you can tell that he’s not.
Here’s an alternative way to phrase the quoted paragraph to make it more interesting without losing any content:
“The family members of the columbarium occupants were worried, as a few years ago the columbarium had almost been shut down due to vandalism. Their fears of closure resurfaced after the murder. A couple of board members had shown up at lunchtime, but mostly for appearance’s sake – they didn’t really have anything to contribute.
The body was finally removed that afternoon and the police cleared out about four.”
- Socioeconomic Detail. This book strove to include a very diverse cast, and it succeeded. When portraying realistic characters, writers should include those who have real issues and differences, which Gallo accomplishes by including circumstances and problems that are relevant to the time period of the story. However, it could have done it more subtly, and with more relevance to the story. I felt that certain details were included just because of their diversity.
Conclusion:
I’d like to give credit to Emily Gallo for taking a stab (ha) at writing a murder mystery – she did tell me it was her first one, although she has written other novels. Jed and his friend Malcom, at least, have novels starring themselves – which may account for some of the lack of description in this one (it may be that we are already supposed to know Jed, which would account for the dialogue-driven nature of the story, as well). If you’d like to check out Gallo’s other books, her website is https://www.emilygallo.com/.
I mean absolutely no disrespect by this review – as I told Emily, I don’t think that I would have the patience or the imagination to sit down and write enough pages to make a cohesive novel. Although I did not particularly enjoy this book, it may be well-suited to someone who doesn’t normally read a lot or those of you who want to enjoy a straightforward murder mystery without the encumbrance of drama and treachery.